If I could send a message to myself from now, to when I was younger, the message would be simple.
“Be less afraid.”
A huge part of my life, maybe second only to sleep, has been wasted on fear.
All through school I was afraid of what was accumulating on my “permanent record.” I was too afraid to really try when it came to colleges and afraid of not going to a good one. I was afraid I wasn’t smart enough even to take the advance placement tests that would have skipped me past a lot of introductory coursework.
And dating? Don’t get me started.
Turns out, there was no permanent record. And, with the exception of math, my “Introduction To:” college classes were a waste and a bore. And for all the fretting about “good” colleges offering me a better life, no one has ever even asked me if I’ve been to school.
This has remained true for me all my life. I’ve actually had some awful, terrifying things happen to me. Head on car collision, robbery at gunpoint, armed stalker in my bathroom while I’m bathing – bona fide scary stuff. But as I look back, what all these things had in common was that I had no idea they were going to happen one minute before they did. In short, I never had time to fear the only really fearful stuff in my life.
The time I’ve spent on fear has been devoted to stuff that’s never happened. Fear has kept me from trying stuff, protected me from failing, while subtly preventing me from succeeding. Fear has caused me to stay in bad jobs and bad relationships. Fear has told me not say I love you, even when that’s what I felt. Yet, despite my extensive time in the field, fear has never once prepared me for or helped me to avoid the fearful things that have actually happened.
Fear convinces me that there is nothing better for me, to settle for less, to hope less. I think it’s a good idea not to walk into on-coming traffic, but I think it’s time to fear less and hope more.
Eric Shaw Quinn 
Love the post today, Eric! I’m enjoying keeping up with you through the blog.
Love the post today, Eric! I’m enjoying keeping up with you through the blog.
Boy, have you said a mouthful pal. That’s my story in a nutshell, and it’s only getting worse as I get older. It’s as if I am paralyzed when a thought of a successful career move or change comes up I instantly blow it out of the water and it’s all out of fear. I pray to have it removed, but it ain’t budging until I start opening up to possibilities, making the calls, doing the do.
Thanks for sharing. Makes me feel not so alone.
“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
‘The Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear’ from Frank Herbert’s “Dune”
So absolutely true. It is the way we all should live our lives. If we did, they would be so much richer and fuller (and happier).
Great post. Thank you for the message.
Well, I can’t believe it! I thought I was the only one who had that much fear in his life. When I look back to my childhood and teenage years, I wonder why I was scared of so many things. I was scared of being the new kid, of being too smart, of being too gay for all the boys. I was scared to tell people that I liked them and was scared to tell my parents all the times I was bullied on the playground and school bus. Then I was afraid that everyone would find out I was gay, and at the same time I was afraid I would always be alone. I was afraid to go to school for something I loved because I knew my parents wouldn’t pay or accept it as a career option. Even just the times when I should have told someone that they were beautiful, simply beautiful, and I couldn’t do it. The list goes on and on, but the story remains the same…fear paralyzes and makes you a shadow of the person you are supposed to be. I remember reading somewhere that someone asked Cher if she could go back would she change anything, and she said if she could go back, she would be the biggest bad-ass that ever was, even more bad than she was already known for being, because she would do all the things that she had been afraid of doing. I totally agree with that! If I could do it all again, there would be no hiding and no pretending, there would just be me, take it or leave it. It’s kind of funny that you spend so much time being afraid of being alone, that you actually end up alone. The only time fear is a good thing is on a baser instinctual level, when you fear someone is following you home or that kind of thing. I read a quote today that to me makes sense and knowing that hindsight is 20/20 I could have used this in my teen years. “The opposite of courage is not cowardice: the opposite of courage is hushed or silent conformity.”. So we are all walking around pretending to be something only because we are scared to be what we want to be?? Who came up with that solution?
Amen, brother.