I am a man who has never yet had a single prayer answered.
I have had a wonderful life so far, and I look forward with excitement and anticipation to what’s next. But none of those wonderful things so far have been anything I worked or prayed for. Not one.
It challenges my faith. I’m gay so I’m not even welcome to be a Christian, which has kind of spoiled any sort of institutional faith for me. Still, I cannot look at the majesty and genius of creation without seeing some divine force behind it all. I cannot look at the nature of life objectively and see this period of consciousness on this plane as finite. Everything that science has discovered only makes me believe more. In this way I do believe in God. I do believe that there is more to life than my limited senses can perceive.
While I think faith is believing without need of proof, I find that life is filled with all the evidence I need.
And then there’s prayer.
The power of prayer is much spoken of. “Ask and ye shall receive,” “pray without ceasing,” may God bless America from the likes of Abraham Lincoln, President Obama, Celine Dion, on and on. I see people who’s lives have actually unfolded along the lines that they have endeavored. By simply having faith, so many seem to have found their way to at least a portion of their heart’s desires. I honestly think that prayers are answered. My strong faith makes me believe that my prayers are heard. That almost hurts more than if I did not believe at all.
But then there’s my experience of prayer.
I prayed for the top kill to work. I prayed that Prop 8 would be defeated. I pray for our leaders to be guided by more than hubris, that they might take up the causes of the poor and downtrodden and set aside their obsession with the rich and with riches. I pray that people will see that if they start paying their taxes again, things will actually begin to get better. I pray for peace. I pray for the success and well being of those I care about and those I don’t. I pray that the government will bring home the troops and return them to their lives and families. I pray for love and compassion to become the guiding forces in the world. I pray for every homeless person I ever see. I prayed for Brokeback to win best picture.
And, lest you think I’m trying to put myself up as some kind of saint I have prayed for selfish things in abundance. For myself I have prayed for work that will support me and a someone to share my life with. I have prayed for the success of my own ventures. I have prayed for civil rights. My prayers for self out number prayers for others at least two to one and I have been far more specific than any humility this description might seem to imply.
“Faith without works is dead” they say and I believe. So, I have showed up for my life and worked hard and to the best of my abilities always and in all that I have ever done. And I have come so close so often. The specifics of how often victory has been snatched away just as it came into my sight are too numerous and heartbreaking to recount.
So far, in the field of prayers, I’m batting zero.
“More tears are shed for answered prayers than for unanswered ones,” St. Teresa and Truman Capote tell us.
Well, I for one am willing to risk it.
Go ahead God, do your worst. Answer my prayers.
Eric Shaw Quinn 
Every time I read a new post from you sir, I can’t help but wonder how it is that you are reading my mind? There is so much commonality involved that I don’t even know how to put into words that I agree with you, because it is freaking me out. I believe that there is something more out there, something that has no physical and rational explanation. I believe that science gets closer to finding it every time they split open some tiny little thing and a whole bunch of smaller tiny little things fall out. I believe that people do things simply because they have the purest faith in themselves and the universe that they will get it done and that they deserve it as well. I don’t know why it hasn’t been working for me, because I know that I am a capable person and that deep down I am sure I will leave my mark on this world, but for whatever reasons, it just doesn’t seem to be coming at all, or I am taking the extremely long route to get there…anyone been to Tiparary? Of course I am not going to give up, I am in for the long haul, but if the universe could just throw me a bone every once in a while it would sure make faith a little bit easier to have.
As far as you are concerned Mr Quinn, you have made a big dent in my life and every post makes me smile, makes me think, and makes me ready for the next one. Keep up the good work!
So if you were doing or asking for the wrong things, do you think the universe would tell you, or is that a whole different kettle of faith?
I am reminded of the CS Lewis quote, “I pray not because it changes God but because it changes me.”
Your are printing what many of us think about but don’t have the courage to say or write. In a way, if you question prayer, you question God.
I don’t go to a church to be a Christian and I don’t feel the need to “find” Jesus or be reborn. I do have a belief system that revolves around having faith. I don’t like to question my faith in God either. My “religion” is private to me. I honestly do believe in Karma and I do believe in the Golden Rule. By nature, mankind is geared to survive of which I believe is a defense mechinism. I remember praying for Peace in the Middle East in the 70’s. That prayer was never answered. Like Life, Prayers are cyclical. (spellcheck needed here)
I have had a few prayers answered or was it Karma? Your postings are “good reading.” Thank you. Just what I need.
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I second Capote’s and Lewis’ notions; though I did stop believing in prayer a long time ago, and started believing in the power of working to achieve goals.
*Was “Crash” actually that good that it won over Brokeback? That’s basically the only thing that makes me want to see the movie. Not that there’s anything wrong with her at all, but the fact that Sandra Bullock is in the film makes me a little skeptical.